Rage and anger-- the intense surge of energy that stresses our bodies and disrupts our peace of mind. But is anger really that bad? Not necessarily, if we listen to what's behind the anger and make certain we don't take action while we are overcome by its power.
We all feel it, that rage that boils up until we feel like we are going to explode! Our bodies are in a heightened mode, heart thumping and blood pulsing in our temples. Our minds are wild with self-righteous power. It's natural, but it is a poison if not mastered and put to use for our higher good.
There are angers associated primarily with an internal relationship to how we are living our lives, and there are angers associated with external circumstances not in our control. Either way, anger is closely tied with fear. And fear is a root cause of suffering. According to Buddhist understanding, fear is caused by ignorance of Ultimate Reality. Ask, 'is anger suffering?' If we are honest, we answer yes. From the fear of our mortality to the fear of not being worthy, and every fear in-between, we are all puppets to Fear's masterful play....until we flip the script.
Anger is an important voice inside of us. It tells us when we are off course, either within our relationship with ourselves, or with others. Listening to anger's call, not ignoring its voice, can be an opportunity to change in our lives what needs to be changed. Anger is a red flag, waving wildly for us to listen to its message. We often ignore the gentle warnings that a change is necessary; an intuition, an idea, a gut feeling. It's when we ignore these gentle calls that anger comes roaring in to force us to listen.
Horrible circumstances can occur in life that can cause rage: An unexpected death of a loved one, being abused as a child, living in a country where war threatens your life and those you love on a daily basis. The reaction of anger to these situations have a different depth than the anger that occurs based on an internal level of how we see ourselves in relation to others and the world.
Both types of anger, whether justified or not, are linked to fear. So if fear is the root cause with anger, it makes sense that in order to quell anger we need to become aware of what we fear. If we choose not to look at our fear, we by default, choose to continue to suffer anger and all the damage it does to our minds and bodies. It takes a tremendous amount of courage to pay attention to our anger and discover what we are actually afraid of. No one can do this for you, for it is profound internal work. Looking at your anger and fear is RESPONDING instead of REACTING, and that makes all the difference.
There are angers associated primarily with an internal relationship to how we are living our lives, and there are angers associated with external circumstances not in our control. Either way, anger is closely tied with fear. And fear is a root cause of suffering. According to Buddhist understanding, fear is caused by ignorance of Ultimate Reality. Ask, 'is anger suffering?' If we are honest, we answer yes. From the fear of our mortality to the fear of not being worthy, and every fear in-between, we are all puppets to Fear's masterful play....until we flip the script.
Anger is an important voice inside of us. It tells us when we are off course, either within our relationship with ourselves, or with others. Listening to anger's call, not ignoring its voice, can be an opportunity to change in our lives what needs to be changed. Anger is a red flag, waving wildly for us to listen to its message. We often ignore the gentle warnings that a change is necessary; an intuition, an idea, a gut feeling. It's when we ignore these gentle calls that anger comes roaring in to force us to listen.
Horrible circumstances can occur in life that can cause rage: An unexpected death of a loved one, being abused as a child, living in a country where war threatens your life and those you love on a daily basis. The reaction of anger to these situations have a different depth than the anger that occurs based on an internal level of how we see ourselves in relation to others and the world.
Both types of anger, whether justified or not, are linked to fear. So if fear is the root cause with anger, it makes sense that in order to quell anger we need to become aware of what we fear. If we choose not to look at our fear, we by default, choose to continue to suffer anger and all the damage it does to our minds and bodies. It takes a tremendous amount of courage to pay attention to our anger and discover what we are actually afraid of. No one can do this for you, for it is profound internal work. Looking at your anger and fear is RESPONDING instead of REACTING, and that makes all the difference.
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Being in the grip of anger lessons our ability to think rationally, and to connect to ourselves and others compassionately. If we can pause at the point when the claws of anger are beginning to dig in, we give space to respond to a situation wisely, instead of allowing it to escalate. It becomes increasingly difficult to pause as the claws of anger dig in deeper and deeper. We can learn to catch anger by becoming aware of its rising. At that first moment of awareness we can choose to take a breath in order to bring us back to the home of ourselves, our innate wisdom. This does require being humble, or not being concerned with our need to be right. And humbleness is a result of knowing the deeper truth of our spiritual selves.
We all feel better when we are calm and are acting out of kindness. Intimate relationships all thrive with connection and compassion. Relationships dissolve in miscommunication and fear, which produces anger. Pausing allows us to find our way home to what we really desire; love and connection. |
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I remember quite a few disputes over the course of my life that would never have escalated if I had just paused at that moment anger began to rumble in my blood. Unresolved hurts and fears are always my triggers for not pausing when a person steps close to a trigger. One particular fight I recall involved a family member. She said something in reaction to what I was not doing that was hurting her feelings. Instead of recognizing her hurt, I reacted with my unresolved fear and BOOM the fight exploded. It didn't last long, but it was completely unnecessary. If I had paused, I would have been present to her pain instead of spiraling into mine, and it would have been a time of connection instead of disconnection, and a space of response instead of reaction.
Anger can easily become a habit if we are not mindful. When it becomes a habit we must consciously decide we want to change. Introspection and listening to what our anger is trying to tell us help free us from being under anger gone toxic. Consistent mindfulness of compassion, checking in with yourself throughout the day, and a daily habit of a meditation practice are pillars of quelling habitual anger as well as infrequent bursts of anger.
Sit quietly and notice where your anger is felt in your body.
Explore the sensations that anger produces.
Don't resist the wild nature of anger.
Listen to what it is trying to tell you.
What is its message?
What is the fear underneath your anger?
Breathe softly and gently.
Tell your anger you are here now and will listen.
Repeat that you are here now and won't run away.