Wally
Facing Fear with wisdom, courage, respect, and kindness
Facing Fear with wisdom, courage, respect, and kindness
During this past (COVID) year I, like most, have spent so much more time at home, since I have been working from home. My daily walks on a trail near the office have been replaced by daily walks in the neighborhood. There is one particular route that I enjoy since it provides a variety of sound and scenery to enliven my mind, and a variety of slope to challenge my body.
This route takes me past a house from which, several years ago, I was attacked by a dog. The gash could have used stitches had I gone to the doctor earlier, but I was too late for that. It had to close gradually. Since then, when walking on that route, I have always remembered to carry a staff.
Over the past several months one of the current dogs of that house has been very noisily protecting it's property. I was always careful to pass the house on the opposite side of the road, indicating that I had no intention of violating his territory. Gradually he guarded more and more of the road, and then started circling me as I passed. This did not make for such a pleasant walking experience.
I tried another route in the neighborhood, but it did not provide the same benefits. I tried going to a walking trail near by. The environment is very rewarding, but the terrain is completely flat. It is a Rails to Trails trail, a converted rail road bed. And driving there took up more of my precious walking time than I wanted to relinquish regularly. I kept returning to the route that was guarded by the dog.
The dog's aggressiveness continued to escalate. Recently a neighbor, with whom the dog was familiar, kept the dog occupied while I passed and told me how friendly and harmless this dog was. Just a bit of information, this kind of reassurance is not very welcome by pedestrians at whom the dog is snarling and baring its fangs. This is especially true of pedestrians who have been bit at that some location in the past.
One of the last times (pre-solution) that I passed that way, this dog started biting at my staff that I was holding out between him and me. This was clearly going in an unfortunate direction.
I got an idea. I would consult my nephew, Matt, who is a veterinarian. He surprised me with his two fold, but simple instruction. He asked details on how I was reacting to the dog's aggression. I was firmly telling the dog to go home, pointing to it's own yard. I was doing this while I was backing away. I was backing away so as to leave the area, and also to avoid turning my back on the threat.
Matt explained to me that I was sending a mixed message. The firm command was good, but my show of firmness was undermined by my backing away. I was confirming to the dog that his aggression was, in deed, working toward his goal of protecting his property. Matt recommended standing still, or better stepping toward the dog, while giving the command.
Matt suggested that possibly better than this plan, was to take some cheese or some other treat. He recommended tossing a piece just over the dog's head so that he would be enticed to turn his back on me. Once he turned his back on me, his own behavior would be confirming to him that he trusted me. This concept of trust would combine in the dog's brain with the gift of the treat. For good measure, Matt suggested, I was to put a second piece down in front of him, between the two of us.
I was now armed with two strategies, and a walking partner during the first trial. The first trial did not avail much information. The dog was a “no show”. No sign of him. Maybe because the extra person changed the whole dynamic in the dog's head.
I decided, additionally, to create a name, to replace “the dog” in my head. A friendly name: Wally. This could help to change the dynamic in my own head.
The next trip, I was alone, but armed with a friendly name, some cheese, and a readiness to step toward Wally instead of away from him. Wally growled and bared his fangs, and snapped at me. I took a piece of cheese out and tossed it behind him. He liked it, and the next piece. I became a friend, not an enemy.
I was prepared to feed Wally every time I passed. Kind of a tribute or a toll. But this was not necessary. Most of the time he does not come out. Maybe because he feels no need to protect his master from the cheese guy. But when he does come out, he is friendly, with no greed or need for gift or tribute, just friendly attention in return.
There are some less threatening “yappy dogs” further down the route. I have successfully used the firm “go command” while stepping toward them. They still bark, but they no longer bark after me down the road. The stay on their property.
Here are some lessons about facing fears.
Most fears, even “irrational fears” have some basis in reality and rationality. I really would rather not be bitten. We fear out of self protection and it would be foolish to treat all fears as "foolish". We can respect and learn from our fear, but we learn best when we are able to view the fear from peace and confidence.
Respect your fears and what you might learn from them.
I had ideas, but they were not working well. I sought out advice from someone who knew.
Seek guidance, and gain wisdom.
When I had company, the whole situation changed and the treat disappeared.
Be in community. Share your journey with someone.
Backing away from what you fear will often embolden and strengthen that fear. We invite the fear to grow. Facing the feared, and even approaching the feared, often softens the fear.
Face your fear directly rather than backing away from it.
Be kind to the fear and respect what motivates it. Respect it's purpose and aim.
Treat yourself and your fear with kindness and generosity.
This route takes me past a house from which, several years ago, I was attacked by a dog. The gash could have used stitches had I gone to the doctor earlier, but I was too late for that. It had to close gradually. Since then, when walking on that route, I have always remembered to carry a staff.
Over the past several months one of the current dogs of that house has been very noisily protecting it's property. I was always careful to pass the house on the opposite side of the road, indicating that I had no intention of violating his territory. Gradually he guarded more and more of the road, and then started circling me as I passed. This did not make for such a pleasant walking experience.
I tried another route in the neighborhood, but it did not provide the same benefits. I tried going to a walking trail near by. The environment is very rewarding, but the terrain is completely flat. It is a Rails to Trails trail, a converted rail road bed. And driving there took up more of my precious walking time than I wanted to relinquish regularly. I kept returning to the route that was guarded by the dog.
The dog's aggressiveness continued to escalate. Recently a neighbor, with whom the dog was familiar, kept the dog occupied while I passed and told me how friendly and harmless this dog was. Just a bit of information, this kind of reassurance is not very welcome by pedestrians at whom the dog is snarling and baring its fangs. This is especially true of pedestrians who have been bit at that some location in the past.
One of the last times (pre-solution) that I passed that way, this dog started biting at my staff that I was holding out between him and me. This was clearly going in an unfortunate direction.
I got an idea. I would consult my nephew, Matt, who is a veterinarian. He surprised me with his two fold, but simple instruction. He asked details on how I was reacting to the dog's aggression. I was firmly telling the dog to go home, pointing to it's own yard. I was doing this while I was backing away. I was backing away so as to leave the area, and also to avoid turning my back on the threat.
Matt explained to me that I was sending a mixed message. The firm command was good, but my show of firmness was undermined by my backing away. I was confirming to the dog that his aggression was, in deed, working toward his goal of protecting his property. Matt recommended standing still, or better stepping toward the dog, while giving the command.
Matt suggested that possibly better than this plan, was to take some cheese or some other treat. He recommended tossing a piece just over the dog's head so that he would be enticed to turn his back on me. Once he turned his back on me, his own behavior would be confirming to him that he trusted me. This concept of trust would combine in the dog's brain with the gift of the treat. For good measure, Matt suggested, I was to put a second piece down in front of him, between the two of us.
I was now armed with two strategies, and a walking partner during the first trial. The first trial did not avail much information. The dog was a “no show”. No sign of him. Maybe because the extra person changed the whole dynamic in the dog's head.
I decided, additionally, to create a name, to replace “the dog” in my head. A friendly name: Wally. This could help to change the dynamic in my own head.
The next trip, I was alone, but armed with a friendly name, some cheese, and a readiness to step toward Wally instead of away from him. Wally growled and bared his fangs, and snapped at me. I took a piece of cheese out and tossed it behind him. He liked it, and the next piece. I became a friend, not an enemy.
I was prepared to feed Wally every time I passed. Kind of a tribute or a toll. But this was not necessary. Most of the time he does not come out. Maybe because he feels no need to protect his master from the cheese guy. But when he does come out, he is friendly, with no greed or need for gift or tribute, just friendly attention in return.
There are some less threatening “yappy dogs” further down the route. I have successfully used the firm “go command” while stepping toward them. They still bark, but they no longer bark after me down the road. The stay on their property.
Here are some lessons about facing fears.
Most fears, even “irrational fears” have some basis in reality and rationality. I really would rather not be bitten. We fear out of self protection and it would be foolish to treat all fears as "foolish". We can respect and learn from our fear, but we learn best when we are able to view the fear from peace and confidence.
Respect your fears and what you might learn from them.
I had ideas, but they were not working well. I sought out advice from someone who knew.
Seek guidance, and gain wisdom.
When I had company, the whole situation changed and the treat disappeared.
Be in community. Share your journey with someone.
Backing away from what you fear will often embolden and strengthen that fear. We invite the fear to grow. Facing the feared, and even approaching the feared, often softens the fear.
Face your fear directly rather than backing away from it.
Be kind to the fear and respect what motivates it. Respect it's purpose and aim.
Treat yourself and your fear with kindness and generosity.